It’s almost been 2 months. Actually D-Day will be two months on Thanksgiving…. Ironic, right?
My husband and I have had some grueling heart to heart discussions. I just want to figure out how he can say he loves me so deeply but he could compartmentalize our life. I feel him in everything I do in life. I think of how myy actions affect our children constantly. Is it different for men? Are they amazing husbands and fathers but do not think their lives have to be consistent at all times?
Well, yesterday we cried together while talking about how he views our relationship vs. all the other relationships in his past (her included). The common thread revealed was that he was never ful-filled by these relationships or felt like he was involved in them for his own needs. He said I was the only person he ever felt loved him and brought out the best in him. The only person who cared about him as a man. And I do.
His relationship with her was based on her needs and what she wanted from him. He didn’t want a sexual relationship. He didn’t need any more friends. He didn’t need her. He felt bad for her because her life was a mess. He was doubting his successes as a man. He wasn’t where he thought he would be in his career at 45 and it bothered him. His libido was decreasing and he tried to tell himself that sex was not important in our marriage. He felt like if it didn’t matter than he didn’t have to accept that he had a problem. But all these things were lowering his self-esteem. Making him wonder if I desired him anymore. Instead of talking to me about his feelings and doubts, he buried them deep. He repressed them and didn’t think about them in realistic terms. He placed his self-doubts on me. He interpretted how he felt I viewed him and he was wrong. I have always loved him. I’ve always been attracted to him. I’ve always felt intense pleasure when we make love. I’ve only every orgasmed with him. Truth is… I saw his self-doubt and felt like if I said anything it would make it worse. So dumb. How can I tell this man about my daily bowel movements but not ask if he felt his libido was becoming an issue? It’s not my fault. These were his choices.
Anyhow, she manipulated her way into his everyday life. Made him feel sorry for her. Made him feel like he was responsible for her happiness. Made him feel accountable to her. He never wanted her. He never enjoyed sex with her. He never felt ful-filled by their conversations.
Now I want to tell her. I wrote the letter. My husband approved it. He said if it makes me feel better to send the letter then I should send it.
But should I? Will it make me feel better to say mean things to her? I think it will.