This blog is supposed to be about healing. Not dwelling on the past. I cannot change the past but I can learn and create a better future. Since yesterday was Thanksgiving, I gave a lot of thought to what I am thankful for in this shitty situation.
1. My husband chose me.
2. I chose my husband.
3. He has been remorseful and willing to do anything to fix and heal our marriage. We’ve been going to therapy, reading books, talking (talking and more talking).
4. He’s been open and honest but never in a hurtful manner.
5. I know this is petty… but he says sex with her was a 3 (if based on me being a 10). He says he never even wanted to sleep with her but felt sorry for her. He said he didn’t like the taste of her when he went down on her.
6. He was never attracted to her.
7. He said her personality was boring and “average”.
8. He realizes now that she was NEVER his friend. Her claims to care about him were fake and if his self-esteem hadn’t been in the dumps–he wouldn’t have believed her or felt sorry for her.
9. He never thinks about her and didn’t care when I told him he could never see or speak to her again.
10. He says he never woke up and wanted to tell her something or see her.
11. He says his heart never jumped or fluttered at the sight of her.
12. He says she brought stress, pain and only regret to his life.
13. He acknowledges this is the worst mistake he never thought or intended to make.
14. Our therapist says she’s never seen a man more remorseful than my husband.
15. Our therapist says she’s never seen a couple with more of a base for true love than us.
16. He tells me he wants me to feel safe and loved.
17. He doesn’t expect me to trust him yet.
18. He wants to earn my trust.
19. I still love him despite his mistakes.
20. I realize that if I lost him I would never be as ful-filled as I am with him.
21. I realized that I wasn’t making time for my marriage. I just expected that if we were happy things were fine. Now I know that if there is a little bug in your ear–there is one in his too.
22. This is fixable. I really believe we can overcome his infidelity. Which shocks the hell out of me.
23. Forgiveness is possible.
24. Love can overcome (almost) anything.
25. Scars may be a reminder of a tragedy, but they diminish over time and heal.
I could write a million more things. I love my kids and family incredibly. But this time in my life is devoted to me growing and strenthening the bonds of my marriage.