Really?

I get that we live in an age of social media but my husband and I are not big on giving the rest of the world a lens into our lives. We don’t post information about our day-to-day activties and he barely pays a second glance to his LinkedIn profile. Since D-Day, I log in to his LinkedIn profile and have noticed that the OW is consistantly looking at his profile. At first it was every day–now we are down to every week or every nine days. It’s been almost three months since D-Day and that was the last time he spoke to her and longer since he saw her. He doesn’t miss her or have any feelings for her whatsoever. Even though I hate to obsess over her–I looked up her Pinterest account. Well, what did I find? She’s been pinning things from me–not so that it says it’s from me–she goes to the second or third person that I pinned from. She must have not realized that I usually know those people too. Then a few minutes ago I see the OW started following five people/businesses that I follow that I know are not her style. But all five people/business are ones that I follow! Then when I looked at her boards she is pinning things about my husband–one of his watches, a type of tea he recommended to her and his favorite architect. None of these things fall within her interests without knowing him. WTF. Why is she still obsessing over me and my husband? And do I ignore her? Should I stop using Pinterest because I can’t block her? Or do I finally send that letter that’s been sitting on my flash drive? 

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12 thoughts on “Really?

  1. Good question. For this one, I am trying to imagine if this was me doing these things, what would I be thinking?

    First, I would be in a dangerous and unhealthy state of mind. If I allowed it to continue, it would only be a matter of time before I acted out on my fantasy.

    The best thing you can do for yourself and your marriage is ignore her. It takes all her “power” away. I don’t know what that means for you (whether you stop pinning etc), but the less she can have access to, hopefully it won’t feed her.

    This is a tough one.

    • My husband and I talked about it and he seems to think she’s aware that I would see this activity. He was somewhat surprised but then commented that he obviously never really knew her character. I told him how it made me feel and he understood and was sympathetic. I know I should ignore and I probably will…. But there is a big part of me that wants to let her know how I feel and how much my husband never cared for her. I think she still believes they were in love. And I want to shatter that thought for her.

      • I TOTALLY imagine how therapeutic it would be for you to have that confrontation, that moment, that clarity to do this. I think if I were in your shoes, I would be VERY TEMPTED to do the same thing.

        But, as I have been on the other side, (I am SO EMBARRASSED to admit this, it makes me feel like a sicko), even though it has been 10 months or so…I would LOVE to have an interaction with the other woman.

        Why? Not for her sake. Just for mine.

        If you do it, you will be feeding her everything she wants. She doesn’t deserve to get a rise out of you. She will ignore everything you say and just think you’re insecure. It will make her feel powerful.

        Sigh. I hate that I can relate. It makes me feel sick.

      • You are right. It doesn’t matter what I say-she won’t hear any of it. I want to move forward with dignity and grace, head held high.

        As much as you hate that you can relate to her side… You are helping me. Your comments are insightful. I read your blog and it helps me understand and believe my husband. When he says he didn’t think his relationship with her would affect me or our marriage I thought he must not love me. But he was vulnerable and full of self-doubt and the decisions to be with her were made in that foggy haze you described too. I also view you more in the woes of my husband than her.

      • That means a lot to me, and I struggle to put in words just how much. Redeeming, is the only thing I can think of. Thank you. It’s all I can do to be honest, and I’m really glad that you are choosing to move forward with dignity, because if she is trying to get a reaction out of you (as we both suspect), she will starve.

        This makes it worth it. Not that I would do it again, as we both know, mistakes can’t be taken back. They can only be redeemed. I think that’s really what any wayward can hope for. When I think of the events now, it’s in my “nightmare” box, and I can’t even recall them like I once could. It’s like trying to remember a bad dream I had a long time ago.

        Thank you.

  2. My DH’s mistress did the same with me…only she followed me with her firm’s social media accounts after threatening me with a lawsuit (for mental anguish), fanned my author fan page (before I knew who she was), pinned my books on Pintrest, and talked about how much she loved my books! When I found out, I wanted to vomit. After D-Day, she would use her Pintrest account to communicate with my DH and me by setting up similar boards to mine and pinning things he liked. My favorite thing: she recently did the trip around the world that he usually did, and she changed her FB cover page first to an image of her in San Francisco, then to an image of her in DC where we recently moved from SF. Like she wants us to know she’s been in our cities. SICK.
    and she changed her facebook cover page to first, an image of her in San Franc

  3. What is with these women? The OW pinned a tea my husband told her he liked. Of course, he had already told me a few weeks prior because when he mentioned it she went out and bought $60 worth of it and gave him some. He threw it away. Funny thing, after she bougth it he realized he hadn’t had the tea in 10 years and no longer liked it. Oh well, she can keep spending her money on this expensive tea and look like a fool.

  4. Most OWs don’t give a damn what the W thinks. No Contact applies 2 You AS WELL AS yr H b/c it takes away the OW’s power.

  5. If the OW cared how you felt she would never have spread her legs for yr H! She isn’t worth ANY of yr time OR thoughts!

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