Ok. So I was home today from work and ended up watching Katie Couric. I am not really into her new show but it was about the emotions and psyche of motherhood. At the end of the show she had this psychiatrist on who said he had treated the parents of one of the shooters from the Columbine School tragedy. After years of treatment he asked the parents if their son was in the room what would they want to say to him. The mother said she wanted to tell her son she was sorry she didn’t know how he felt and that she didn’t help him.
That’s how I keep reacting to my husband’s affair. I wish I knew my husband was feeling insecure… Unhappy… Vulnerable…. Willing to trust someone who did not care about him.
The psychiatrist on the show said this is normal for mothers/women to feel responsible or like they may have the power to overcome any problem. But we have to let go. We have to let go of our expectations. We have to acknowledge that love does not mean we can fix everyone. There’s this thought in my mind that I could have helped him if I knew how he felt… What he needed. In fact, I have asked him more than once if I had done this or asked you this question or we went away on a romantic vacation-would any of this stopped you? The truth is probably not. No matter what his answer.
The only thing that could have stopped him was him. He could have told the truth. He could have told me she kissed him. He could have told me they were having private business meetings. He could have told me he didn’t like his job. He could have told me things didn’t feel the same. He could have admitted the decreasing amount of sex in our marriage bothered him. None of these things were under my control. None of the things my husband does are under my control… He has to choose to love me and live that love.
so I don’t really like the new Katie show…. But I learned something today. Something that will help me let go of the what ifs. Or at least I will try to.