“More balls than brains”

voltaireI did something risky yesterday and some of you may disagree with what I did and others may read this and be happy. I called the AP’s soon-to-be ex-husband. There have been so many questions in my head about his AP that I needed affirmation of what was true and not true. Honestly, I wanted to contact him for a while so that I could get answers to my questions but I was hesitant to draw him in at all.

Friday night I did a Google search for his name because I knew I could find his cell phone number on the web. Google’s number one search for his name was something different than I expected–it was a 5K race he ran in September of 2011. I went to the website curious to see which 5K he ran and imagine my surprise when I saw his wife (my husband’s AP) had run the same 5K. Now, my husband slept with her for the first time in the beginning of September 2011. According to my husband, she told her husband their marriage was over in July/August of 2011 and he had moved out of the house at that point. She then began pursuing my husband with great persistance–telling him he was going to have sex with her because it was meant to be. So why would she run a 5K with her husband if she just separated from him? Especially since she claimed he was emotionally abusive to her–why would you subject yourself to being near him? And then my mind started remembering that she had given us a Christmas card in 2011 that was signed from her and her husband and their girls. Why would you sign a holiday card from your husband if you are separated? Wouldn’t you just write: Love, The Smith Family? My head was spinning and I asked my husband if it would bother me to contact her ex. My husband said that he preferred I did not draw him into our lives but understood if I needed to talk to him.

To keep the rest of my story clear I will be referring to my husband’s AP as Bat-Shit and her husband as Larry.

So I arranged a conversation Larry for Saturday afternoon. I drove to Starbucks, bought my usual latte and sat in the parking lot and dialed his phone number. I was shaking but I knew there was really nothing he could tell me that would set me back. [If you haven’t read the rest of my story, I texted Larry three times post D-Day to tell him what was going on. At that time I believed they were still married and living together but my first text back from him revealed that they were separated.] So here I was sitting in my car, nervous and shaking when I heard him answer his phone. I knew that if I only asked him one question it was how did their marriage end and when did he move out. What I found out was so un-f-ing believable. I couldn’t even script this shit.

Larry began to tell me that his marriage had been over for years but he stayed for his children. He begged to go to therapy but Bat-Shit was never willing to go. She bought self-help books and then wouldn’t read them. Their marriage was unhappy from the beginning and during their engagement he tried to end things twice but Bat-Shit insisted they get married. He then told me he moved out the first week of July, which seemed to jive somewhat with what my husband was told. I then asked about how I had met them in July 2011 and were they already separated? He responded: “What? No, I moved out in July of 2012. Just this past summer.”

PINNNNNNNOCHWHAT?! She had told my husband that she had asked Larry to move out in late July/August of 2011 and that Larry had agreed to move out. I have emails from my husband to Bat-Shit asking how she was doing since Larry moved out; how was it for her to see him at parent-teacher night at their kids’ school since they were separated; she was so lonely during the holidays all alone. All lies. She told my husband she was separated from Larry to get my husband into bed.

Larry told me he suspected they were sleeping together (He never felt the need to tell me!?!) and confronted Bat-Shit continuously throughout the year of the affair. She denied, denied, denied. He had a vasectomy in 2008 and Bat-Shit went back on the pill during the affair. He questioned it and asked her if she was f-ing my husband. The affair took place at his home and in his bed 99% of the time. Not only was she lying to my husband to get his sympathy, she didn’t care if Larry caught them in bed together. Most of my husband’s interaction with her was trying to be her friend in a rough time where her mean-big-bad husband had left her. My husband stayed with her so long because he felt bad for her, he felt guilty walking away and thought it would be easier for her to move on first… essentially, my husband fell for her lies completely.

I also wanted to ask him about Bat-Shit’s former job because it didn’t jive with me. He revealed that she worked at her job until she had her first child in 2003 and then she took 6 1/2 years off. Her resume states very clearly that she worked at this company for fifteen years. If you subtract six years off of that she would have had to begin working at the job at 13 years old. Then he revealed that she only worked there part-time (averaging about 20-24 hours/week) from 2009-2012. She told my husband she worked full-time and made $90K/year. Her husband revealed that the most she ever made was $42K when she worked full-time. More lies. More lies she told to get my husband’s attention. Because her job was how she first established “common” interests with my husband.

Larry then told me about Bat-Shit’s personality history. How when she was in high school it is widely know that she began to dress like the popular girl, Jen, impersonating her and styling her hair to match. Then in college she admired her wealthy, spoiled roommate who happened to be about 30 pounds heavier than Bat-Shit. Bat-Shit put on 30 pounds in less than four months, began dressing like her roommate and acting like her. Larry then asked me if I was aware that Bat-Shit was stalking me on Pinterest. He told me that he saw her on my Pinterest account once and asked what she was doing. He noticed that her “new” persona began to resemble me–who she knew my husband loved.  And, to be honest, I was surprised that Larry even knew what Pinterest was. But he told me about Bat-Shit’s newfound interests and how she spent about $10,000 last year on new clothes, home decor, etc. I asked him if he was aware that she bought my husband a $300 iPod? He said he couldn’t keep up with the amount of money she was spending and wasn’t surprised. I guess I don’t live in a household where hundred-dollar gifts can be purchased without my knowledge. I just don’t approve of superfluous spending. I’m a saver and I always have been.

My last question to Larry was why did he think she did this? I have struggled with this because for me, there is some comfort in knowing a person’s intent. Larry said that he believes she wanted my husband and my life. She wanted him to leave me and create a life with her. Who knows if he’s right… but the shoe seems to fit. The thing is she always told my husband during the affair that she was okay with the fact that my husband told her that he would never leave me, never. She seemed to be okay with him telling her that he loved me.

I got off the phone with him almost two hours later. I drove straight to my husband’s business and told him everything. All the lies and more lies. I made him swear that she told him Larry had moved out in the summer of 2011 and he swore to me that he’s told me everything he knew. He said he doesn’t think he could have ever had sex with her or much less in that house if he knew that Larry still lived there. He looked at me and said “You shouldn’t be so surprised by this information. Everything you thought about her was true. You saw through her from the beginning. I just don’t know why I couldn’t see it.”  But I am surprised. I am surprised that she is sincerely and certifiable Bat-Shit Crazy. All this time there was a part of me that wondered if she was as pathetic and pitiful as she portrayed herself to my husband. Now I know that it was all a ploy to draw him in. But why? What about my husband made her want to destroy our marriage? And what was she going to do if he did leave me? What was she going to do if I did find out before her husband had moved out? What were all the lies intended to create for her? Here’s the thing. If my husband had left me for her–wasn’t she worried about him discovering the truth? Wasn’t she concerned about the fact that she lives in a small town that would not embrace the idea of two broken families? I don’t get it.

I guess, I hope she’s moved on to her next victim. I asked my husband if we could get a restraining order but he feels like we are seven months from D-Day and nothing has happened and nothing will. I suppose he could be right but I feel like she could be waiting me out or thinking that once the dust settles she can go back to walking into my husband’s business. Larry put it best yesterday when he said: “She has more balls than brains.”

Bat-Shit is a true sociopath.


15 thoughts on ““More balls than brains”

  1. Oh my. Your story is so familiar to mine. We will call the AP, Wolf, because she is exactly that. Normally, I would not leave such a reply but your story sends shutters right through me.
    Wolf and I began working together several years ago for a small company. After I quit and went on to better ventures, I left the county, before returning in the fall of 2009, when we purchased our home. My husband and I loved the area and desired the typical things any family wants.
    I ran into Wolf and we began catching up on our past. She was no longer with the partner she had when I worked there, but she had someone new (she was a “lesbian”). It wasn’t long after that when we all began hanging out together, her ex-husband too, her managed a friendship for the sake of their children…or so I thought.

    Wolf was in need of work and my employer was hiring, so I pushed that she come aboard, in which she was eventually hired. Things were running fine until there was back lash starting between two job sites. Wolf was stating that he co-workers were stating negative things about her sexual orientation, and her supervisor was let known through me, as he and I are friends.
    In the mean time, we all hung out regularly, spending our weekends together. Wolf was quick to declare that she had borderline personality disorder and how she hated that her partner forced her into seeing a therapist for treatment. Wolf would make comments to all of us to feel sorry for her. Because Wolf did not display BPDs characteristics, I would always question of they got her diagnosis wrong. I just didn’t see it. She did not resemble any of the BPD symptoms…that I knew of.
    Months into our new found friendship, she began to act out in both work and her personal life, stating that her partner was abusive and a control freak. Before I knew it, there was all of this drama that seemed to interfere with my husband and I too, involving all of us.
    The pressures of work and the drama being caused was getting to the point of total chaos between her supervisor (who is my friend) and I. He is unsure of what to do, and needless to say, they end up opening a possible harrassment investigation.

    While all of this is going on, Wolf and her partner get into an argument in January of 2012, and she calls me in tears begging to come over. We went to go get her because I did not want her to sleep in the cold. Wolf was crying. We came to the house, I drank a couple of beers before calling it a night. Because she was a lesbian, I thought there was no threat.
    She pulls out two bottles of vodka, which i had no idea she had, and insisted that my husband drink with her. My husband is not a drinker and has never had an entire beer in his life. While our children and I slept, she removed all of her clothes after the vodka was gone. She preceeded to touch my husband, and they had sex in my house, on my floor.

    The next morning, she made a comment to my brother, who was living with us at the time (he was a heroin addict staying with us to get clean), as my husband passed out in the bathroom with his pants down.
    He crawled into bed and I knew right away; he was sicker than a dog.
    Wolf laughed stating that last night was wild, and my brother just looked at her, stating that she was a whore. Her partner came to the house to pick her up and that was that. I said nothing to my spouse because he was vomitting and I was too busy worrying about him and possibly alochol poisioning, that I did not speak of it.
    During the next few days, I picked up on some suspicious activity. My spouse was coming home, and he was so quiet. Wolf asked if our son could participate in wrestling with her sons, so we allowed it. We met at the school two nights a week, but the first night, I will not forget.

    While my son wrestled and I watched, I sat by myself while Wolf, my spouse, and her ex did their own thing. It was awkward. Unusual. I did not exist.
    Things began to unravel at home. My spouse was distant, checking his phone all of the time. She began asking me and telling me that my marriage was broken and it was not worth staying around. I asked her if they had done something, and she stated that she was a lesbian and had no desire in men.
    My spouse came clean and stated that he had a physical attraction. I let her know this and told her to stay away. She told me that it was her personality that he was in love with.

    She moved her youngest child at my son’s school at this time. Stated that this school offered more for a child without Autism? What?
    She would come over crying, damn near pleading with my husband to protect her from her partner. Stating that she was after her money, and that she was accusing her of doing stuff with her ex (of course she was! She was!).

    Wolf told me that being a divorcee wasn’t as bad as what people made it out to be. I told her how my spouse’s attitude had shifted, how he was ignoring me and picking at me all of the time. I asked him what they talked about, she said it was the venting of my brother living there.
    I read some texts on my husband’s phone from her and their conversed about everything. I told her some things about these new problems in my marriage and she told me to erase my texts…which explains some descrepancies in his texts, too.

    After two and a half weeks of living through this chaos, I dropped the hammer. Enough was enough. The intuition just got too strong. The conversations which took place between the time of the initial affair and this present time was just too chaotic, and the stronger I could feel it. It was making me sick.

    I demanded my spouse tell me. I demanded he tell me everything. While I am demanding these things, she is texting. I read them.

    “She is asking me questions about us. If you tell her, I will tell her you did all of this. She will not believe you, but me. She is trusting. What she don’t know won’t hurt her.”

    “I started my period. Looks like we cannot have our love child.”

    I demand, and I am loud. He admitted that he has done some things. Not good enough. I slapped the shit out of him and proceeded to call her partner. I told her partner that Wolf had been fucking my spouse and her ex. She got upset and we hung up, but you could hear the argument in the back ground.

    I went to bed. I vomitted all night. I got up at 3am and my spuse was asleep on the couch. I said, “Did you have an affair?” He said, “Yes I did.” I told him that if this is what he wanted, go for it.

    I called her supervisor, my friend, at 4am. I let him know who she is. He was stunned. So stunned, that the investigation dropped at the moment he spoke to the director about her.

    I drive to work, and like a tidal wave, it hit me. I see it all for what it is. She is texting me telling me how bad she feels. She is telling me that he didn’t love me. She was telling me that this was suppose to happen this way. I do not buy it. I told her that she was a game and I just a pawn on her board, just like her partner and just like her Ex.

    I call her Ex and what he tells me throws me for a loop. See, he had custody of their children because she is not capable of taking care of them. She is too unstable to provide (I asked her why she didn’t have custody…she asked me what I was implying). In the few years they were married, she had numerous affairs, each pregnancy she had needed to be tested to see if they were his kids. He said that she was a drama junkie, and a master manipulator.

    With all of the information I collected, I took what I had experienced and what her ex went through, and she meets 12 of the 13 symptoms for sociopathy (all except the criminal history). I did tell my husband what she was and filed for divorce that day. She flipped out when she discovered that I was taking the house, requested X amount for child support, and joint custody. The bitch wanted the house, as stated in the texts she sent to my husband when the shit hit the fan.

    My spouse came clean with everything; the affair lasted three weeks. He let me read her texts. She pursued him hard, telling him that I was not in love with him, asking how often we have sex, how I wanted to leave, and how bad she needed him, and how her partner abused her. Never once did she tell him what I desired of him most, and that was for him to simply show affection more often, and that I needed to know that I was loved.

    He believed her. I believed her.

    She would laugh in the text messages how fun she thought it was, and could careless if I was hurt in the process. She moved her child into my son’s school in hopes that she would win. One of the lasts few texts she sent my husband was, “When can I meet the family?” “I have no where to go, my partner kicked me out.” “I need to see you.” “We can get our own apartment.” “I love you. Always have.” “We are meant to be.” All of these as she is apoogizing to me. What the hell? Who does that?

    The last thing I remember telling her was that she was nothing more than a coward, a sociopathic nightmare who spends her time taking from others because she is too weak to do it herself, and that I was going to take her down, and she will lose her job. Last I know, she is having her new boss’s baby, as she was let go from my workplace because she broke policy (harming a co-worker). She went on to work in a correctional facility, where she befriended another married man, becoming pregnant, and they ended in divorce. The cycle continues.

    We are recovering in our marriage. Things have been better since she has left the county. She better stay away. You cannot be a person of good and do evil. There is no doubt that she is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

    And she did cut her hair when I did mine…She even wore hermake-up like I did. I saw it and did nothing because I thought I was wrong.

    • Wow… that is seriously f-ed up. It’s unbelievable. I’ve met some messed up people in my lifetime but never as much as Wolf and Bat-Shit. I could never imagine choreographing the lies she told my husband and whoever else she involved. Some of the things Wolf did to you and your husband, Bat-Shit did to us too. Bat-Shit’s husband also told me that she got pregnany all three times when she was supposed to be on the pill. He said that he wanted children but not with her because their marriage was so messed up. I am convinced that she was trying to get pregnant with my husband’s kid too. Thank God she didn’t.
      Sometimes I feel like nothing could surprise me anymore.

      • It makes your heart just stop. I hurt so bad I could feel my soul bleed. I did not function for a month. I was embarrassed to go to work because the director knew and I fear everyone did too.
        That bitch got me in both my personal life and professional life. And the whole time she was causing drama, she was the victim. Always the victim. Never could take responsibility for her actions. It was always someone else’s fault.
        I too, was so scared of a pregnancy. I remember making my husband go through an STD check because I had a round number of how many people she’s been with. He tested positive. I had to go through mine, and waiting three days was hell. I tested negative, by the grace of God. That was torture to me. I was so shamed.
        People can be so evil. Just evil.
        And when I look at her Facebook page, she’s happy. And I know its just a show. That’s the thing. Its a show.

  2. Desperate women do desperate things. Can you say single white female? Scary movie!

    The wife of my husbands business partner, who he was with only once stalked him, unbeknown to me. She told him flat out she wanted my life and that she could do everything for that I do. He hid for 4 years that he’d been with her (it came out when his 6 year affair came out), he had not wanted to ruin his friendship with his business partner or lose his marriage. She was my friend, or so I thought. She asked me for book recommendations and what music I listened to, she told me all the time that she thought I was pretty. It was a bit much but I thought it was just her personality. Now I wonder if she wanted to be like me, thinking that it would make her more appealing to my husband. I think I’m going to do a post about the other women, complete with pictures. Crazy bitches

    • These women are crazy. My husband said the same thing: Single White Female. I told that I think we need to get a restraining order or a lawyer to write a letter mandating she’s not allowed near us or his place of business. My husband doesn’t want to do a restraining order because it’s a small town and he actually knows the guy that will serve her with the papers. He feels like she hasn’t broken the rules and come to his work when he’s there so why would she? I feel like she’s trying to wait me out. Unless she finds another victim… Or she realizes that my husband knows the truth.

  3. So this woman is clearly nuts but a lot of this story just doesnt jive with me. A. Why the hell did your husband feel bad for her enough to SLEEP with her and later on, keep sleeping with her and not break off the affair? That (no offense) is one of the lamest, most irrational,, unbelievable things I have ever heard. He didn’t feel bad for you? His wife?also, it’s possible to feel bad for someone and not cheat on a marriage. Normal human beings do it all the time. I’ve been following your blog, but I guess I just havent read a non selfish, non narcissistic reason for his behavior. B. how did your husband not see crazy behavior like this? And how could he let this enter your marriage and endanger you like that? C. Why is he not protecting your sense of security now? If a restraining order will make you feel better, then he should support you both getting one, rather than worrying about how he will look once it gets out that he had an affair with psycho. He clearly should have thought about that before embarking on an affair with her. If you really feel threatened by her, then stand your ground and get that restraining order or lawyers letter, and demand that your husband makes you feel safe and secure again.

    • Hi Zenpoppy,
      Thanks for reading and commenting.
      A. My husband acknowledges that none of his behavior was rational. She had control of everything about the affair. He let it happen and he has to live with that. He’s not doing well with that one by the way. The thing about betrayal is the waywards don’t think about the consequences or feel like their behavior is going to affect their spouse. He felt guilt and remorse but he compartmentalized it. If he had thought about it–then he wouldn’t have done it. But he trusted himself not to cheat, he didn’t think he was vulnerable and that made him completely vulnerable. There’s no excuse for what he did–none. I struggle with getting over this part all the time.
      B. He didn’t see the behavior at all. She was very charming and sweet. She seemed to care about him, she pretended they had the same interests/hobbies, she was very subtle too. He knew that some of it was BS at the time but he was so desperate to feel good. Her compliments felt good even if they seemed baseless. I don’t know how he could have let this in our marriage to be honest. I met her and didn’t like her and I told him. That was the entire basis for him not telling me they were “friends.” He knew that I was never going to like her and at that time in his life he needed to have his ego stroked.
      C. This morning we discussed the restraining order and why I feel like it would comfort me. He agreed saying that whatever I need to feel safe is fine with him. His biggest concern was not the publicity of the affair but drawing her back into our lives. I am probably going to go the route of getting a lawyer to send a letter because I am fearful that she will get one against me and I work with children. I am not sure if a restraining order will come up on my CORI check or not? And I have to have at least two run every year for my job.

      I appreciate your comments… some of them echo things I’ve said to my husband. I wish I could find out how he was broken so much but hiding it from me.

      • Definitely consult a lawyer in your state. I will say though, based on my legal background, she doesn’t sound like she has any basis for a restraining order against you, since it doesn’t sound like you have moved against her or harassed her or her family in any way. It is unlikely that a good judge will give her one. But these things are never 100% certainty. A family lawyer in your state should be better able to give you the answer to this. But yes, if it makes you feel better, then send her a harsh lawyer’s letter. That tends to scare people off (though this woman sounds certifiable,so who knows how she’ll respond).

        I hope I didn’t sound too harsh in my first comment. You just seem like a really nice, gracious person. And this whole thing stinks. Your husband’s behavior sucks. Especially the fact that it was one whole year. It just seems so selfish to me. I just hope you’re not being taken advantage of because you.deserve.better than this sort of behavior from him. I really hope you’re with him still because he’s proving himself worthy of forgiveness and is working to make you feel safe and secure. That line about her waiting for you to get out the picture–it sounds like something your husband should be working on to ameliorate the feeling, not anything the woman does or does not do.

        I really hope everything works out well. I’m going to keep reading your blog and rooting for you. Best wishes.

      • You weren’t too harsh at all. What my husband did was horrible and I do deserve better. He is completely remorseful and lives every day trying to make me feel safe, secure and loved. He didn’t tell me I couldn’t get a restraining order, he just felt it might lead to more pain from her if she retaliates. I haven’t threatened her or spoken to her since this thing came to light. So she really doesn’t have anything against me.
        Honestly, I wouldn’t have stayed in this marriage if my husband wasn’t willing to do anything and everything to fix and rebuild our marriage. My husband is truly broken by what he did… In individual therapy session our therapist told me (alone) that she’s never seen a husband (in 25 years of being a therapist) so completely devastated by his actions. Larry (Bat-Shit’s husband) even told me that when my husband apologized to him for what he had done he couldn’t believe how much pain he could see in my husband’s eyes and face. Larry told me he wanted to hate my husband but he could see that my husband already hates himself for what he did. And he does. He tells me he’ll never forgive himself and that he’ll spend his whole life knowing he never deserved me.
        It’s a hard place to be. The love we had before the affair is still here–still alive. But how could he turn his back and sleep with her for a year? Why couldn’t he walk away if he knew he didn’t love her. The addiction to wanting to be someone’s hero and strength must be strong when you feel like your wife doesn’t need you.
        Before he cheated on me I thought affairs only happened in bad marriages.

  4. I think she said she was “fine” with him saying he loved you and would never leave you because she didn’t believe him. (1) She is a liar–she assumes everyone else is a liar too and (2) it’s a little hard to believe a man professing his love and devotion to his wife when he’s fucking someone else on the side. Does that seem like love to you? It doesn’t to me, and I’m not crazy. It didn’t to her either (and she is). Whatever he said to her, his actions told her something else and she clung to it. It’s why she was willing to wait it out and why she hasn’t yet let go. She thinks she knows the “truth”. I am not suggesting that your husband didn’t, in fact, love you. I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and based on what I’ve read, it’s obvious he loves you very much, and that the real appeal of the affair wasn’t a love for the ages at all. Instead, when he looked in the mirror she crafted with all her incessant compliments and flattery and bald-faced lies, what he saw reflected back was his own KISA awesomeness. But even if you said as much to her that coldly and that directly, she still won’t believe you. Liars assume everything is a lie.

    That’s why I think you should be careful with this nutjob AP. Women like her do.not.let.go. Do what you need to, to protect yourself.

    And I hope you and your husband continue to heal and get stronger together in your recovery.

    • Hi TLM,
      Yes, my husband and I agree. We’ve discussed many times how it didn’t matter what he said to her–his actions were that he went to her home two to three times a month and had sex with her. Almost any woman would think that he loved her if he was choosing to cheat on his wife. And, yes, her compliments may have been full of shit but my husband admits that it felt amazing to hear someone say them (even if he could see through them). I makes me realize how broken he was…. and how I knew things weren’t completely right with him but I was fearful to uncover the truth–so I let it go on too long. Fear is a powerful weapon.
      My husband now agrees that we should protect ourselves. As my best friend said to me the other day, my husband is safe because she wants him but I am not. Anyone who is willing to lie and carry on a charade that her husband abused her and left her is wacko. The mere fact that she went on birth control weeks before the affair began shows that there was premeditation too. She wasn’t going to accept no as an answer. Her ex told me that she used sex as a weapon in their marriage (witholding it for 17 months twice during their ten year marriage). And she used it as a weapon to try to trap my husband too.
      Thanks for your advice… I am looking into some legal action for my safety and peace of mind.

  5. does she keep a really really neat house or something? or does larry just not have much stuff? this puzzles me. id be really interested to know why your husband didnt notice any signs that a man was still living in that house… i imagine he wasnt really looking, but yeah…

    • I asked the same exact question. My husband said she has very few pictures around the house. Portraits of her kids but not one wedding photo. There were no photos in their bedroom or anything. He said he wasn’t paying attention though either. He did say she wore her wedding ring right up until Larry actually moved out–he did notice that. He thought she was wearing it to keep up appearances.
      I know enough of her to believe that her house probably has little to no personality. My husband said it was a generic home and he hated her furniture (my husband and I share the same sense of style). I would imagine she keeps a much tidier home than I do. Lol.

  6. Just reading some of your older posts because I came to your blog more than a year after my d-day. My Bat-Shit, “The Plague”, did the same thing. Told my husband that she was separated and getting a divorce–that the “judge just needed to sign the papers” and everything would be finalized. And of course, everything with regards to her failed marriage was entirely her husband’s fault. Funny thing is, she isn’t smart enough to know that divorce proceedings are a matter of public record. After I found out about the affair, I looked it up and she was not divorced, not in the process of getting divorced, there is no statute for legal separation in the state in which we live, AND she still lived with her husband while she was fucking mine in their home. She took her 4-year-old son on one of her first (and only) dates with my husband (my husband tried to avoid being seen in public with her as much as possible), and midway through took her son home to her husband because he was unhappy. Then came back and finished her date with my husband! I don’t know why on earth my husband believed the lies, but he did, and I had to point every single one of them out to him.

    It’s funny too, because the first thing I did when I found out about her was went to her Pinterest account to find out who this person was. I even started “following” her to see what her reaction would be. She flipped and immediately emailed my husband asking why I was following her. That answered my question as to whether or not she knew that my husband was married and what my name was. She most certainly did. I guess one thing that makes me feel okay about that is she is completely pathetic to have been willing to knowingly share a man. That is a level of desperation that I cannot even fathom. Had I known about her before my husband’s affair ended, there would have been no sharing on my part.

    A few months later, I checked her Pinterest account again, and she had morphed herself into me–all of her new pins were suddenly about things I enjoy and my hobbies, which hadn’t been the case (AT ALL) the first time I checked her account. We seemed to be polar opposites. Strange similarities.

    • Isn’t it amazing? It’s like who the fuck is this woman and why couldn’t our husbands see through the lies? I asked my husband where Bat Shit’s kids were when they were together and he said he assumed being babysat by family members. First, that’s sick that my husband was “cool” with her sending her kids to be babysat so they could have an affair. I believe now, that she was sending the father out with the kids or doing the same as The Plague and just leaving them all at home together.
      You are absolutely right though–what kind of sick woman wants to share a man with another women willingly. It was clear Bat Shit wanted my life but I honestly don’t think she ever gave a shit about my husband. I think she liked the high she got from manipulating him. I don’t even think she even wanted to have sex with him–I think she did that because he revealed that was the only thing he could complain about in our marriage (that we weren’t having sex enough). But what kind of woman asks a married man to complain about his marriage? And when that’s the only claim uses it to pull him in and use him.
      All the lies are so easily uncovered by us too…. Bat Shit lied about everything–even her job/career. My husband was connected with her on LinkedIn and never even looked at her profile to see the lies. It’s amazing how we see what we want to see in life. One could argue the same for us in forgiving and moving forward. But I do so with eyes wide open now.
      Thanks for telling me your story.

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