Around three in the morning tonight it will be a year for me since D-Day. I know tomorrow I won’t have a moment to write because we have big plans but I wanted to write something.
If anyone told me a year ago I would be happy and laughing alongside my husband, I would have believe that would be impossible. Learning to live my love and my life was an important lesson. I stopped living for doubt and that changed everything. I think we tend to make decisions we regret the most when we make them based on the doubts lingering in our minds. Case in point, my husband’s decision to engage in a relationship with Bat Shit was propelled by doubts he had about himself and then reflected onto me. Doubt shouldn’t drive you but it should make you want to find the truth.
I can’t imagine what my life would be like now if this hadn’t happened. Isn’t that strange? Would we still be in a perfectly happy marriage but relaxed about it and just okay? I have no idea. I hate that he cheated and that will never change. But I love how we dealt with this struggle. How we chose to commit to fixing our marriage. We chose to be together despite the failure and it’s made us stronger.
I recall asking my husband at some point in the past year when was the best time of his life. He answered the year our first child was born and I couldn’t help but agree. Yet, when I look back at that year I can see how much the world was against us and we could have either succeeded or failed miserably. We succeeded in spite of everything that was going on around us. We weren’t married yet, there was a month were we didn’t know where we would live and he had to find a new job while supporting his girlfriend and infant child. Looking back at everything that was going on it’s amazing to think of how nostalgic we are for that time in our life.
Someday, this past year will be like that first year we moved in together with a baby on the way. Back then we had very little to lose and everything to gain. The exact opposite of the way things were a year ago. We had everything in our lives on the line and we fought inch by inch to get to where we stand today. Will I look back in fifteen years and remember this time as something special or only recall the pain and struggle?
Take stock in where you are on this journey because you will come out on the other side a stronger and wiser person. I know this blog entry isn’t much but I promise there will be more soon.