Infidelity Trax | Ingrid Michaelson | Sort Of

Baby, you’ve got the sort of hands to rip me apart
And baby, you’ve got the sort of face to start this old heart
But your eyes are warning me this early morning
That my love’s too big for you my love

Baby, you’ve got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning but you are running me down
My love’s too big for you my love, my love’s too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I would leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Baby, you’ve got the sort of eyes that tell me tales
That your sort of mouth just will not say, the truth impales
You don’t need me but you won’t leave me
My love’s too big for you my love, oh, my love’s too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I would leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Tell me what to do to take away the you?
Take away the you, take away the you
Take away the you

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I would leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

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12 thoughts on “Infidelity Trax | Ingrid Michaelson | Sort Of

  1. Do you find meaning in this song. It’s how I feel sometimes that if I was stronger I would leave. It’s all so confusing.

    • I posted this song for someone else. I do find meaning in this song but I don’t need/want to leave. I do wonder if I stayed right after D-Day because I wasn’t strong enough to leave. It’s hard to know.

      • Exactly the words our counselor said to me, and I think she is right. I wasn’t strong enough to leave back when he was first emotionally detached. One of the positives of this whole infidelity journey is that I do think I’m strong enough now. Let’s just hope I never need that strength. 😉

  2. Pingback: Infidelity Trax | Ingrid Michaelson | Sort Of | Kinkementary Affair Dating Blog | Secret Love Affair - Adultery Dating

  3. I had a breakthrough moment the other day. The fear if him cheating again has been with me since day one. The fear of it finishing me of, and completely destroying me. In expressing this to him, almost pleading with him to just leave now if any chance he could do this again. I realized that if he does… it will not destroy me… he came as close to destroying me as he ever can or will. If he does them I will simply be over him. It was just like I stumbled over this piece of valuable piece of knowledge. it’s my security. I will not die. It won’t hurt like the first time ever again. that day, my world shattered, I realized that our love was vulnerable to everything and not above anything. I was able to see the part I played in this and claim my responsibility, ask myself what could I have done to have altered the course. We were worth a second chance, but I am protecting our marriage but also my feet are firmly planted and will not be knocked out from under me again.

    • A while ago I realized that I can’t control whether or not my husband cheats again. I want to say I would leave if this happened again but I said I would never stay with my husband if he cheated before all this. Yet, here I am. Keeping my feet firmly planted is my goal too.

  4. Yes thats been my fear that if he did it again it would destroy me. But your right I’m stronger now. (Well sometimes) My 12 year was diagnosed with cancer 6 months after D day which has made the healing process ever so much harder. Wish I could regain that sense of certainty again but that seems lost. One day at a time. Have you heard Sarah Mclachan Brink of Destruction great song.

  5. It’s been 7 ,on this since d day for me. I thought I was getting better but I’m not. This week, I crumbled. Not because of anything I can pinpoint, but maybe it’s the culmination of it all. It took my husband 6 months after I found out to realize what he’d really done to me. Those were 6 months of pure torture. In the month since, I still felt detached, but I thought we were on the right path. But know all I have is a painful ache that never subsides. This song speaks to our relationship so well, he doesn’t need me, he never will. My need and love for him only scares him and pushes him away. I try and hide all these feelings from him, because I don’t want him to shut down again. All I can think about are the pills I’ve collected that sit in my bedside table. I’m trying to hold on, but I don’t see an end in sight, except for the one I can create for myself. I’m right on the edge, I can’t see another way out.

    • Are you on the edge of leaving him or something else? There was a point in all this where I didn’t believe I would ever live another day without feeling the pain and sadness from his affair. There was a time when I thought I would never get over my hatred of his AP. There was a time when just driving on a certain route made me angry/sad/bitter. But those days are now very few and far between. If you need to leave to be happy again–then you should gather your strength and courage to walk away. It’s difficult to know what is right or wrong when everything you beleived in seems to be a facade. I want the best for you. Sometimes it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel… other days it’s a bit easier.
      I wish you strength and happiness. xoxo

  6. Hmmm. This song so resonates for me. I know that initially I stayed because I was not strong enough to leave. I understand how people could say they’d leave if their spouse ever cheated and yet be unable to do so once infidelity is discovered. The reality is that betrayal is utterly devastating. I think it takes a really strong person to leave when in the midst of such emotional turmoil. Hell, even my husband understood early on that initially recovery for me was to get strong enough to leave. It was after seeing his response to my pain and grief when I witnessed his true remorse and genuine attempts to atone, that I decided to stay.
    But I have to disagree that it is “our love” that is vulnerable, as our love is not a disembodied thing, but a reflection of who we are and what we bring to the relationship. Rather, that he was capable of unexpected treachery and detachment. More importantly while I realize that infidelity displays a decided lack of character and integrity and will not delude myself into thinking otherwise, I know he is working at redeeming himself. I also know the affair was all about him and his personal issues, not about the marriage. So while I may have compassion for him and his personal demons and willingly work with him to address these, I realize that I will stay in the marriage only for as long as he continues to atone, work at it, remain engaged, and protect and honor our relationship, along with me. I also know that relationships are 100/100 not 50/50 and that I will not settle for less, but most importantly, that I am now strong enough to walk away if he detaches again or in any way fails to be open, honest and honor our vows to each other. I know I am worthy of nothing less.

    • Your words are very accurate. Relationships are 100/100. I am thinking about what you said about a lack of character and integrity. I know you are right but why is it so hard for me to acknowledge that?

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