12 thoughts on “Healing

  1. Beautiful comment still waiting on my peace it has been over a year-I am exhausted with it all- he swears she was a mistake but he is a liar – how long until the next one catches his eye? He is such a flirt -even in my presence. I keep praying that God will deliver me from this situation that destroyed me

  2. I tried to post this weekend on your Infidelity Trax. I got away with my husband and while driving heard two songs that I thought you might relate to. The first is Bastille, Flaws:

    I put this on my ipod last year, but it is just now on the radio. Filling that hole in our soul is very difficult.

    The second my husband was not pleased with me over, ;). Kongos, I’m Only Joking:

    Gaslighting at it’s best!

    Enjoy! Jules

  3. My D-day was in Nov 2013. He had been searching for women for years. Had sex with 4 of them. (one of them twice because as he said “She was nice to him”.. WTH? Ever since then, I checked his phone, emails etc only to find he hasn’t stopped the search. He says its exciting to check out other women but it won’t lead to sex. One day in June, I saw he had been on the search and I lost it. I told him to move out and he agreed. Now, the children know something is seriously wrong. That night we decided to make it work and he stayed. I have so many reservations about us. Is he staying for the kids sake? He tells me how much he loves me all the time and shows me daily. I have major triggers now. One false move or statement on his part will send me through the roof. If he helps me financially and asked me to pay him back the trigger is ” You paid a few hundred dollars for an escort and you want me, your wife who gives you sex for free , to pay you back? F…no” I gave you 2 beautiful boys, washed your clothes, fixed you dinner and have been there for you for 15 years. I don’t owe you anything. If he gets angry because I’m not home from work at a certain time, I’m thinking, ” And while I was home sleeping, you were in someone else’s bed? F..you”. If he tells me what I can do or can’t do I walk away and stick my tongue out and roll my eyes without him knowing. A lot of resentment is building up. I want this marriage to work out. I love him very much and I have to say I have seen no signs of him searching since June. He swears he will never hurt me again. But as another woman posted, I feel it’s just a matter of time he will stray again. He is a flirt. (I found out he cheated on me about 10 years ago and his brother knows about it. I haven’t asked him about that. I’m afraid of the truth. )Should I confront him with that? Its a thought that is buried deep down and it hurts. Anyway, He won’t go to counseling but I think I should. The pain this has caused is affecting me more than I care to believe. I act as if everything is okay for the families sake..I’m saving face, I’m the peacemaker. When will I truelly be happy again. Time does heal but those triggers are haunting me. Everyday I tell myself to surround myself with what makes me happy. I’m just dreading the day he tells me its over, which I think he might , if he finds a younger woman when I get too old. Sad huh? (I’m 12 years older than him) . Any advice? Greatly appreciated. Thanks for all your posts. I’m not alone.

  4. There are times I wish I could meet you.

    I would buy you a cup of coffee and express my appreciation for sharing your story with grace & love.

    It is often a mirror of how I feel at any given moment: raw/hopeful/angry/grateful/confused/peaceful/hopeless/sorta happy/miserable/courageous/apathetic/unconditionally loving . . . you have really made a positive difference in my life.

    This was one of the first websites that I was drawn to after discovery and I am forever in debt. It is the only blog I return to and find helpful.

    Thank you a million times over for sharing your story. You are a gift to the Universe.

    • You are welcome. I never imagined I would connect with so many women on here. I realize these connections have propelled me forward when I thought I might be lost. Thank you for writing and reading and being here. It means more to me than you probably know.

      And if you live or visit New England we may someday meet up for that cup of coffee.

  5. Was so pleased find this blog….been fighting to keep my head straight for just over 2years now. I’m only part way through reading your entire blog and for the first time since my own D-Day I don’t feel so alone and bat shit crazy. Thank you so much for sharing. This blog is much like my own story.

  6. I don’t know how to move on. I trusted him 150%. He wants to “get back to being us”…we will never be “us” again. I can’t help but feel he ruined “us”. I feel fat, ugly, frumpy, sad, hopeless…it’s been 10 months since I found out. It was a two year on again off again emotional affair. With a friend of mine…or whom I thought was a friend. She was finding out information about us and purposely using it to try to destroy us. Don’t get me wrong, I blame him just as much. I hold my part of responsibility for making us vulnerable.
    It’s just that he will never beable to understand how deeply he hurt me. How deeply he hurt us. I want to forgive and move on so badly. I can’t stand feeling this way….but I just can’t. I feel like I’m almost obsessed. I hate how these different thoughts just pop into my head. I’m sad all the time. I don’t dare let myself be happy with him.
    He is transparent, but I thought he was before. He had set up secret yahoo messenger accounts for the sole purpose of talking to her. How do I trust him now??? How do I move on??? I fear for my sanity if I don’t find a way, and soon.

    • I felt the same way–like I might just go insane with all the triggers, fears and doubts. You are right–your relationship has changed and it will never be the way it was before the affair. I hated that but it’s true. You will never look at marriage/life through rose-colored glasses. I had no idea how to move on either. In the beginning I just tried to survive each day, one-day-at-a-time was my motto. I hope you are telling your husband everything you said here. Communication is crucial–even if you don’t think you want to remain in your marriage. You need to be honest about how you feel and what triggers you. Trust takes time. Forgiveness takes time too. There were times in the beginning where I believed the affair was still going on behind my back. I know now that it wasn’t but I couldn’t trust anything or anyone. Go to therapy alone and with your husband. Ask him to go to therapy on his own too. Ask for what you need. That is key.

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