Hope is not crazy



7 thoughts on “Hope is not crazy

  1. Tomorrow is our 25th anniversary. It should be a wonderful, special time for us. But instead, just over five months out from D-day, I find myself wondering how many of the last 25 years were lived in a lie? I know for sure about five. It was about that long ago when he saw an erotic massage therapist once a month for 18 months…they had sex his last visit and then we moved to another state. Obviously that time, and from then forward, was him pretending to be happy and me living in oblivion. Then he had a six month affair that was discovered with his bitch came to our home on May 31 because he had broke up with her and she was hurting and she wanted me to know just what kind of man I had married. She knew he was married, she knew he wanted to keep his family, she didn’t care, and then that bitch got angry when he wouldn’t leave me for her. I actually had to get a restraining order against her to keep her from coming to my home AFTER I had to call 911 to get her to leave.

    There’s obviously a lot more but my thoughts go back to my anniversary and wonder how can I “celebrate” when my life feels like a lie? I know there is hope. We’re doing affair recovery. We’re understanding each other in ways we haven’t in a long time. We’re communicating on a deeper level than we have in years. He’s actually putting me first, something he’s NEVER done in our marriage. He’s so sorry. He’s doing everything “right” to make our marriage work.

    But really, how can I “celebrate” this marriage? Right now I just cling to hope that it will survive.

  2. Hope is so good, so positive. Hope is the best “hope” we have for imperfect humans.

    Holiday season is a hard time for me, I think. I got the beginnings of the “truth” and the trickle over the winter holidays. Now at 19 months, so much better…yet, I still think about it EVERY day. I still feel sad, but I do believe I have forgiven and have come to understanding and compassion. Yet, I often cry…it is just ……sad. I try to live in the moment. Try to know that he is doing his best and not to expect him to be “perfect” in all he does do be a good spouse….this is a problem for me as I have “expectations” and if he does not remember to take the trash, or hug me long enough, my mind starts to feel resentful and feeling “he isn’t doing enough to make it up to me”…that is not a very loving thought nor good for reconciliation.

    I struggle, I guess, still with some resentment of what I was doing at the time of the As and how he was taking advantage of my good love. I have to actually push that resentment aside (resentment, how little does not match with loving feelings…so I WILL BE THE ONE TO SUFFER…ugh)

    So many different thoughts and so many feelings, and trying so hard to be loving myself…trying to live up to my own values of what I believe love is. My thoughts still go around and around…too much. I try to keep busy, but well, the thoughts (though better now) still return…rumination.

    I wonder if you could write a piece about rumination?

  3. Yes, we all hope for a happy ending, is this possible to forget and carry on to live a normal life again when everything we believed in has been torn apart? Holiday season is very hard! I too, found out the whole truth over christmas and its coming up to D-Day.
    Only today I had to ask Why did you risk your marriage for a SKANK?Why couldnt you turn away a Skank for me? His answer was “I was not thinking”. She said” I looked good”.
    To me that is not a answer, it’s a very poor excuse to tell me 18 yrs of marriage meant nothing to him, my love was not worth it, to easy throw it away on a cheap skank that said “He looked good”.
    Wow, very scary to think men can shove their wives aside so easily.
    It actually scares me that’s all it takes, and like others of you I question how many more have there been and has our marriage been a lie all along?
    He tells me constantly that it had nothing to do with me, I did nothing wrong and it was all him, (that makes it harder for me to understand).
    He promises every day that he will never do this again, but the problem is the pain is already here, it’s like a disease and keeps eating away. I get told I look flat and drained, I’m not my bubbly self anymore. It’s true I feel empty and crave to have the feeling back to feel good enough as a wife and a mother.
    I think if this was the first affair, it would be different but there has been friends of mine he has taken a liking to and lies came out about hidden text messages etc, but he swears nothing happened.
    And he also was having a emotional affair with his ex for over 20yrs, that I had no idea about, so I really do question what was my marriage?
    We hope, we pray that someday these feelings of hurt will soon disappear, the fear will vanish & that we can trust & feel security again with the men that we chose to spend our lives with.
    I pray to God that he will give me HOPE, the courage to keep fighting to save this marriage and the understandiing why the one I loved and completely adored could do this to me?
    Has this all come out to give us a new start in life? Not sure what to think? Has God showed it all to me to give us a honest open marriage now and to give him the chance of new beginning?
    Is this possible,
    HOPE is all I have left to hang on to…………

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