My husband cheated on me. Now what?

Last week, a new betrayed wife posted a comment on my blog. She discovered her husband’s affair the night before and her Googling brought her to my blog. I remember so clearly lying in my bed typing the words: my husband cheated on me into the Google search bar of my iPad only hours after my discovery. I wanted someone to tell me what to do. I was completely unprepared for an affair. I always assumed if he cheated our marriage would be over. Maybe it’s what I was taught or maybe I just haven’t known any happily married people that have dealt with infidelity. The fact is I didn’t know what to do. I felt broken and defeated. I felt alone and scared. I wanted someone to tell me how to navigate this mess because this wasn’t supposed to happen to me.

What I discovered in the 72 hours after my D-Day was there was no one out there that agreed on what to do. Every betrayed woman had a different path, a different story or a marriage unlike my own. I joined web groups and read countless articles and blogs. And still, no one could tell me succinctly what to do. Honestly, I wanted someone to tell me if my marriage was over. Like I said, before I found out my husband cheated I didn’t think I would ever stay or have the capacity to forgive him. But after I discovered his affair, I realized that our love was not a casualty of his affair. I told myself I would allow myself time to decide if I could remain in the marriage or not. I told myself I could leave at any time but I would allow myself two years to heal. My decision may be not right for anyone else but me—but I could live with it.

I remember reading this article about four or five months ago. The questions asked in the article are:

  1. How do you define love?
  2. Is your definition of love large enough to encompass profound failure?

We each define love independently in our own lives. We place our own limitations and expectations of love on our definition. On my D-Day, I don’t know if I could have known if my definition of love was large enough to include my husband’s failures/infidelity. As much as I have grown in the past ten months, there are still moments when the affair hits me like a ton of bricks and I question whether I can forgive him completely. It’s how I overcome those moments that keeps me going. It’s about being open and honest with my husband about those moments so we can have complete transparency. I am not expected to just get over his affair and move on. We have an agreement that if something bothers me in five, ten or twenty years about this affair that I can bring it up and he can never say: I thought you were over that already. I promise to not hold grudges or throw it in his face but I am not expected keep silent either.

I made mistakes in those first days after discovering his affair too. We spent hours talking but I couldn’t hear much of what he said. I heard the words but I couldn’t understand them because I made assumptions that were completely wrong about his relationship with his AP. I had always thought if a man has an affair the sex must be amazing, the relationship is worth walking away from your marriage for and the man is a liar. While those things could be true—they weren’t the truth for us. Try not to base your healing on anything said in the wake of the discovery of the affair.

Sex is also a strange thing after an affair. Many women report they begin the hysterical bonding immediately. That was not the case for me. My husband was not home for 36 hours after I discovered his affair. I had time to read and read online about infidelity. I read that it took two years minimum to heal and I told myself we might now have sex for two year (boy, was I wrong). I also told my husband this. I told him that I couldn’t be physical with him and was he willing to work on a marriage with no sexual intimacy. He agreed he would stay no matter what happened. We made love the night after we were both tested for STDs. We went out to dinner and we began talking—not about the affair—about us. We were on a date and we didn’t even plan it or know it. We left the restaurant and began kissing in the parking lot. He pushed me up against the car and I never wanted him more in my life. We barely made it inside our home before I began ripping his clothes off. That was September 28, 2012. We made love seven times over the next twenty-four hours. Both of us full of desire and passion. What I realized about hysterical bonding is that it has to be both ways—both spouses have to need that connection to be reestablished with the other person. My husband and I must be still hysterical or bonding because we haven’t missed a day. The sex is the best it’s ever been and we had a passionate and playful sex life before the affair.

The truth is you may not know what to do after you discover your spouse cheated on you, but you will be okay. You will survive. Take care of yourself. Eat. Sleep. Don’t spend every moment thinking about the affair.

I wonder what advice you wish you heard on your D-Day or just after? Write it below and hopefully it can help someone. Finish this thought: My husband cheated on me, now what?

169 thoughts on “My husband cheated on me. Now what?

  1. My husband and I are really working on our marriage and I think we will be okay. But I have a few questions. I found out in November that he cheated on me. About a month ago, he accused me of having an affair and while I was visiting my older children and grandsons ( I had my younger sons with me) he deliberately made me think he was with another women just to get my reaction. Since I told him what he did was beyond cruel and that he could pack his bags, only then did he tell me it was just a test to see if I cared and that he only thought I was having an affair on him and couldn’t stand the thought. (I have never had an affair by the way). Anyway, today he said he has been really good to me. Sending me flowers, date nights, etc..and yet I haven’t been giving him the special attention back. Really? I told him it’s because I am still guarding my heart and that I deserve to be treated with love and attention. After all its only been a couple of months since he cheated and only a month since he made me think he was cheating just for my reaction. I told him the fact that he is still with me was because I love him and that should be enough until my heart mends. I tell him I love him alot, we talk alot, we make love more. I just don’t quite feel good enough to shower my affection on him like he’d like me notes, kisses out of the blue, special dinners he could come home too, etc. Am I doing okay? Is this normal? I have triggers sometimes and will get mad now and then but I don’t throw his betrayal in his face. Should I be doing more for him? Any advice is needed. Thanks ladies

    • Jesus Christ, I am reeling. I just found out this afternoon that my husband and father of my young children cheated on me.
      I do t even know what to think or feel I primarily feel sadness and loss, flashes of betrayal and anger. I also feel compassion for his, bc I see that he has not faced down the demons in his life (we all have demons to face down) and those have driven him to take actions that quite possibly destroy the things that he holds most dear (our family being together, me as his best friend). He has confessed and is indicating a full willingness to work toward healing.

      I don’t even know where to start or how to get a handle on this. I am reeling.

      • I feel like I felt that same way in the beginning. I would get in my car and scream at the top of my lungs: “I HATE YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!” To the point where I lost my voice. I found it cathartic to just scream, yell and cry by myself in the car. I always wonder if people wondered what the hell I was doing. Lol.
        Trust yourself… I had no idea where I was going but I decided to take control, do what I wanted for me. I am so much happier today in my life than I was before. I thought our life was perfect. There’s always something to achieve and chase after. There’s always room to grow. After an affair it becomes completely obvious there is something missing/wrong/lacking…. The process of healing can be painful and miserable. But it gets better….

      • Hi, Its been almost 3 months since my husband confessed having sex with women he met online ( a local call girl sight). My way of handling it in to talk alot and have date nights once a week. I have what you call “triggers”. Something he says or something reminds me of his unfaithfulness will send me through the roof. I explain to him that I am healing and part of the healing comes from expressing my feelings, whether its crying, screaming, or just holding him. He understands. He helps me by just listening and telling me how much he loves me and that he is sorry. Time does heal all wounds. I have forgiven him and it is getting easier everyday to put it in the past. We will not let this destroy our family. Love does conquer all. There in beauty all around, when there’s love at home.

      • I truly wish I could have the strength to want to spend more time with my husband since he cheated. He lied about it for a year and I thought it was just texting one but come to find out it was texting two and slept with another.. He is more involved in church now than ever. And I am truly happy for him, but the lies.. How do I over come that. I am trying to forgive and trust but I don’t know if I can.. help help help

        On Thu, Mar 6, 2014 at 6:46 PM, Healing After My Husband’s Affair wrote:

        > rebsand commented: “Hi, Its been almost 3 months since my husband > confessed having sex with women he met online ( a local call girl sight). > My way of handling it in to talk alot and have date nights once a week. I > have what you call “triggers”. Something he says or somethin” >

  2. I found out in May last year. He came home and told me. I had no idea. I felt sick. I still feel sick. I can’t believe he did this to me. My daughters love him. How to I break up their family. He had to leave his job because of what he did. I feel sick whenever any of my colleagues ask how he is enjoying his new job. I just want to cry all the time. I am so sad. I don’t know what to do.

  3. I just found out my husband is having a affair he says he loves her in the emails im going out of my mind cant eat cant sleep please someone please help m e please

    • Hi me,

      How are you doing? The nights seem endless sometimes. I used to sit up and read blogs on my iPad and wonder how my husband could sleep…. I guess it’s different for waywards. Their relief comes from telling the truth while our pain and suffering begins once we know they cheated.
      You are not alone though. You will get through this. You will survive. Take care of yourself…

      • I feel so hurt & betrayed by my husband, I found out 6 weeks ago that he had sex with a young lady that works for me and was my friend but 16 years younger than me!!! but I certainly am wanting hysterical bonding but he isn’t and this hurts me so much! I know he doesn’t want her anymore (she turned out to be a complete head case) but why doesn’t he want me?? he says he feels so angry and upset about what he’s done he cant!!

  4. My husbands infidelity started 4 years ago when I was pregnant w/ my son. When I found out, I packed my things and moved in w/ my sis. He found me & asked me to come back home & I did. Since then it’s been a roller coaster. For several months he’ll do great..going to church, praying, being accountable, talking & having great sex. Then he’ll fall off the wagon into infidelity again. He says he doesn’t want to end the marriage but how can I believe that when he repeatedly commits adultery? Maybe my problem has been that I’m so focused on him instead of me, my children and my relationship w/ God.

    • Just discovered my husband of 7mo has been text cheating with an old friend for the last 3months. I feel broken. I am lost. There is so much betrayal I feel that I can’t explain it. I too came to google bc I just don’t know how to deal right now. I cant believe we are one of those couples. It pains me to wear my wedding ring and pains me to not wear it. I honestly can’t believe it happened and I can’t stop crying. I can’t talk to him or be in the same room with him for long. I am hiding it from my 10yr old daughter. Also I know it’s doing further damage by not communicating with him but I just can’t. I want to tell someone but I can’t.

      • If you can’t talk to your husband find a therapist, a clergy or someone who can listen. If you can go to therapy try to find a time when you can talk to your husband. It’s painful and one of the most difficult conversations to begin… but it needs to begin. In the process of finding out all the details of my husband’s affair, I also learned how he truly felt about me and where we needed improvement.
        I felt the same way about my rings and even just looking at my husband in the beginning could cause me to sob. It’s hard but you will find that you will survive. There are so many women here. We are a testament that you will get better. You will be stronger. Just take the time to heal. Sending you lots of love.

  5. Now What? It still seems like such an empty question. My D-day was just over 2 months ago. I am having a rough night tonight, although I have heard him tell the AP it is over time and time again she called me again tonight. Each and everytime I think now what I get dragged back into the mess my husband made. Yes he says she is crazy and “blackmailed” him for over 5 months about a 1 night stand, but she still really hasn’t gone away. She lives almost 8 hours away from us and time and time again she pushes her way back in while we try to heal. Everything is blocked from social media, email accounts and phone numbers, but somehow it doesn’t seem to end. Nights are the worst when trying to decide what now?

    • What is she looking for? How do you guys deal with her persistance and calling him? I don’t know what I would do if my husband’s AP wouldn’t let go. It’s got to be very difficult to work on your relationship and rebuilding the trust with her constantly interrupting your life. Can you get a restraining order or send a cease and desist?

  6. Just like any other woman who has been cheated by their husband, the first thing i did was google ‘why men cheat’, followed by ‘can a marriage be salvaged after infidelity’ Then i grilled my husband to tell me the reasons that he cheated. This was his initial answer when i was wailing like a mad woman and threatened to leave him. He is bored and enjoys the thrill of a new relationship (i.e the sex). He thought it will end as quickly as it started and i will never find out.
    After 2 months past D-day, and lots of time to reflect on himself, he finally found the real reason. He was in love with the ‘experience’ and not the AP – Just like any new relationship, the excitement swept him off his feet. He is living a fantasy life where no responsibilities bog him down (because the AP lied to him that she is married but her husband is impotent so he is like the knight in shining armor coming to rescue her).
    The affair lasted for 6 months before i found out. It is really messy right now as the OW is pregnant with his child and he got her to agree to abort the baby. Before

  7. She gave him 2 options : either marry her or pay her to abort. My husband never loved her and will not marry her. She demanded a huge sum of money to compensate her for the hurt he caused her by asking her to go for abortion. She blackmailed to reveal this to his boss and post their scandalous affair on social media to sabotage his career and my husband agreed to pay her out.
    The reason i am writing is i feel very upset now that i have a part in taking an innocent baby’s life. I told my husband that i can never accept that the OW gives birth to their child and he continues to support the child financially as i don’t want him to ever have any contact with her whatsoever.
    i really want to salvage our marriage and i think this decision is the best for us. What do you all think?

  8. It’s been exactly one month since I discovered through texts and phone records my husband was involved with two women. He denies that the relationship was ever physical, just emotional, so I called both women. They were more than willing to spill their guts and apologize for flirting and encouraging a relationship. The problem is he cheated 15 years ago when we first got married and I just do not have it in me to forgive him again. We have two kids but I kicked him out and only allow him to come over 2 hours a night. I have decided I’m calling the shots this time. He is doing everything to save the marriage but I’m not sure I want to stay married this time. All I feel is this intense anger towards him!

    • Hi K,
      You have to trust your instincts on what the right thing to do is. You have to feel everything completely, the anger, pain, devestation, so that you can heal and be stronger. Take care of yourself.

  9. I don’t have advice, for I am still hardly close to healing. I feel that me offering my coping skills is like being a blind leader. I just wanted to say that the above is my story through and through. I felt like someone found my journal and wrote it for the world to read. And that, alone, is a good feeling after feeling so alone. I too can be feeling fine and all of a sudden, like a movie in my head, I go back to the night I found out. When these movies play the feeling are just the same as they were on my “d-day” and I burst into tears. I have gotten to the point where I can’t watch a movie that has infidelity (that includes a lot of chick flicks believe it or not.) To conclude, I just wanted to thank the author of this article for making me feel less alone in a world that has seemed a bit more grey since the start if the end of my life as I knew it just ten months ago.

    X a woman torn.

  10. As I Google about how I should feel in a moment like this. All I can think of is my connection with my husband after the facts, that we both cheated. We also made love more than every before. 3-6 times a day for weeks. Both of us had full desire and passion. Something we never had before. It was almost like knowing someone wanted my husband so bad made me want him even more. But now months later, the 3-6 times a day went back to 3-6 a month and I find myself feeling guilty and undesired again, not because he is not desirable I am just tired and busy, I am use to having a full schedule. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN!! We have two children, full time jobs, sports, dance classes, and our own duties. But we are young, late 20′s, sexy, fun and find each other very desirable, but yet it isn’t enough. What am I missing.

    • Hi Steph,
      I completely understand where you are coming from–how does a fulfilling, passionate sex life become too exhausting… My therapist always says that it’s perfectly normal for couples to put sex last because after we take care of the kids, the house, our jobs and everything else–we have no energy for sex. But sex is one of the most important factors in couples being “happily married”… so how does it fall to the bottom of our to-do list?
      After the affair my husband and I have committed to sex on a daily basis. We’ve found that having sex first thing in the day works best for us. We are lucky enough that most days we can wait for the kids to leave for school but sometimes we just have to set the lock the bedroom door, set the alarm and go for it. What I have learned is that when we don’t have sex I now miss it and find we talk about wanting it all day long. Also, sometimes just talking about it helps–just saying I really want you right now but I’m tired. Sometimes just talking and expressing that desire leads to sex or lets your partner know that you still desire them. Also build up is huge for me…. texting throughout the day, kissing. I recall kissing–real kissing–being the first we weren’t doing all the time when our sex life dwindled. Now, we kiss for at least 30 seconds + three times a day.
      Sometimes just talking about it helps.

  11. I found out about my husband’s affair this past November. We’ve been married for 20 years and I too thought we had the perfect marriage. He ended the affair in December 2012 and we’ve been so much closer since then, I just didn’t know why it was all of a sudden better at the time. We are doing as well as we can be I think, at this point. I have a question that I haven’t seen addressed anywhere yet: My husband has blocked out some of his memory from what has happened. He’s shared everything and has answered all questions but genuinely could not remember that she and I had been friends for years before his affair with her! We were talking and he mentioned introducing us when she started working for him. I got her the job at his office in 2010 as his secretary and we had eaten lunch together twice a week or so for years but he has no recollection of this! We’d been friends since 2007 or so. It made me as angry as when I found out about the affair, but he really doesn’t remember this at all. I’m not sure what to make of it and it scares me somewhat. Also, I’m thinking about contacting her husband since I know him. I don’t think he knows to what extent the affair lasted. I also feel guilty for not calling him in July of 2010 when I suspected that she was after my husband, and again in early 2012 when she took a job that my husband’s company did 90% of their work through. (She wormed her way in through one of his employees recommendations. His entire office has since been told of the affair, as well as her current boss so there’s one more wall of protection for us.)

    Have you heard anything about blocking out memory like this? What’s your take on contacting the other betrayed spouse?

    • I think the mind is a crazy masterpiece. I know that theere are memories that my husband has blocked from his mind–but never about who my friends were and when. Does he not recall any form of a friendship between the two of you or did he just not realize the scope of it?
      There are times I wish I could have sat down face to face with my husband’s affair partner and told her exactly how I felt. But the truth is my husband’s affair partner is crazy and most likely, a sociopath. So she wouldn’t even grasp what I need to say anyhow.
      I spoke to Bat Shit’s husband because I needed answers. I needed to know if what i was hearing was true. There were pieces about Bat Shit that didn’t add up and I knew that my instincts were not off. My story is all on here… but Bat Shit and her husband were divorcing when I spoke to him. He actually had no information except the knowledge that she had cheated. I felt in some ways that I helped him get what he needed to really close those doors in his life. BUT, I also learned that he suspected our spouses were having an affair throughout the entire year (it was happening in his house afterall) and he never contacted me or felt the need to. He didn’t care about me or my husband–which I guess is fine that I learned on my own. But if you need answers and he already knows–then maybe. If he doesn’t know the truth then I don’t know if you want to be the one to deliver that news.

      • I moved out in Dec and I still cant get over it……I don’t know that I will or if I will. I am so stressed and tired of crying and tired of being mad. Now he is in church more than ever and doing all the little things I always asked him to do. But I feel like I am not in love with him anymore. I do love him and care about him, but maybe I don’t know the difference. Some days his voice makes me mad.. Is this normal…what do I do?

      • The question you should ask yourself is Do you love him? Is he sorry? Has he listened to you? Is he willing to gain your trust back? I’ve had to let myself believe that he is truly sorry for hurting me and that he will never betray me again. I realize I am still on a rollercoaster of emotions. Being angry really drains me. It is such a destructive emotion. Whenever anger sets in I say a little prayer. Forgiveness is so healing. It frees his guilt and your pain. Don’t let the adversary win. He laughs at despair. Don’t let him. I still have moments when I check his phone, emails, etc. Whenever he starts acting evasive or starts picking arguments with me I get into my private investigator mode. It’s been 4 months. I’m still not over it but I try. I love him. He loves me. That’s all I know. If your marriage is worth fighting for, then fight. But fight with honor and hope

      • i dont know how i feel. i found out in dec. i feel like now that its out its off his shoulders and he is happier but i dont know how i feel. i just had the baby in feb. i dont know if my emotions have gone back to normal yet. we are going to the counseling tomorrow i dont know how that is going to go. everything is going to be revisited. i’m not sure i’m ready for that. i have been trying to forget. to block it from my memory. so i can sleep at night…….

      • In the beginning, right after D-Day, I had this feeling like it might all just be one really bad dream. I might wake up and my life would be like it had always been. I knew it was real but there was this hope deep within that it wasn’t true. I wanted the illusion of perfection back…
        Anyways, take your time. It takes months to figure out how you feel and even that will change in an instant. I hope you are taking care of yourself and your baby. Sometimes a baby brings about new hope, a change, a new beginning.

  12. My husband broke the news to me 1 month ago. In that month I have found the pain has increased…I expected it to decrease. I have anger, hurt, and fear. I feel lost. I don’t know how to talk to him…or what to talk to him about, as my every thought is about the affair…and honestly I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I want it out of my head! I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling “fine” one minute & a roller coaster of emotions the next – for no apparent reason at all. Thank you for this blog.

    • Hi Anna,
      I felt the same way during the first four months. I think those first four months were the worst roller coaster. I still loved him but I hated what he did so much and I was in so much pain. I had so many questions and sometimes the answers destroyed me. Some of this continued up until about nine months until I realized I was triggering myself. That being said, you have to go through the worst of it in order to figure out what you need and want. You don’t see it now, but you are growing stronger every day. The tears will eventually subside… I rarely cry about the affair anymore unless I am completely stressed in all areas of my life and this is just one more thing to manage. Some couples establish guidelines about talking about the affair–only an hour a day or a week. I always felt compelled to get things off my chest so I didn’t create a story that never happened. But each person has their own story of what works for them. You will get better…. it takes time.

  13. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought
    this post was good. I don’t know who you are but certainly you are going to
    a famous blogger if you aren’t already ;) Cheers!

  14. I did the exact same thing you did, and today I typed your exact phrase “my husband cheated what now?” And like you nothing I’ve googled, or forums I logged into, or friends have been able to tell me what’s right for me. Like you my days are filled with thoughts of his affair and I feel like telling him off and leaving because it seems unbearable. That trust I had has not been restored but in time I believe we can build it again.
    I do truly love my husband, he has never abused me or made me feel worthless. He has always taken care of me and made me feel beautiful. He is a good dad and works hard at everything he does. I know he is not perfect, I am not making excuses for his infidelity. But he has shown me how much love he does have and is sorry for what damage has been done to our family.
    I hope this strength I’ve found inside me, will carry forward to the day I can truly say I forgive him. If I can’t forgive, then there is no point in me bothering to try and fix this marriage. So for now I do love my husband, I have to see if we can make it work. If not at least I know I tried and what doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger.

  15. I’m so lost right now. I have always forgiven him in the past but there are so MANY women that he talked to. There’s also an ex who he emailed & text nude pics w/and spoke so poorly about me! He offered to have sex w:her & talked about getting divorced. I’m so hurt! I thought I was happy. Now I’m crying and he’s apologizing I don’t know what to believe I have my children to consider too. What do I do?!?!??!!!!

    • Hi Renee,

      I have no idea what you should do about your marriage. But you should not be apologizing to your husband… I hope that’s not what you meant. My best advice would be to get into counseling–both you and your husband together and you need to go alone too. I would also encourage your husband to go on his own too. There is so much pain, anger and confusion after an affair and I found it really helped to have a neutral person to talk to about anything and everything.
      Take care of yourself. Talk to a friend you can trust. Feeling better takes time. Focus on yourself and then you will figure out what to do about your marriage with time.

  16. My husband left for a job interview out of state, I found out he was cheating the day he left. Emails to and from 4 different women. We’ve only been married two years but we were so happy, so in love. He was my best friend, my everything. He swore he didn’t have sex with any of them. I emailed all 4, 3 of them answered me. He had sex once with one of them. They met on a sugar dating site. He paid her 1400. To have sex one time, it was supposed to be an ongoing arrangement. They got into an argument and she told him to get lost.
    The emails were very difficult to read, especially the parts about me. I’m boring, he is attracted to younger women. I’m a year younger than he is!
    I won’t let him come home. He left MN and is now in OH near his parents but they refuse to help him. I don’t know if I can believe him though, he told a lot of lies, I called his Mother and she hung up on me. He swears he told them the truth, that he cheated and now he wants to come home. He wants to go to counseling, he sends me love letters and poems and swears it will never happen again. Even if I believe him, my 21 year old Son that lives with us wants to beat the crap out of him and because of my big mouth, my entire family and friends hate him. He will be homeless soon though and is sick. What should I do?? I pray and pray for help, I can’t hear anything. Please help!!!!!

    • Kim, I know where you are.. I know how you feel it has been a year and 3 months since I found out about the first texting cheat. Then this past dec I found out more details of another and another and another and one of them was sexual. I have moved out and just still have so many emotions.. It is hard and I don’t know what I am gonna do yet. But I take each day slow. He is trying but he ate the trust away and killed my fight little by little for a year. Im here if you need a ear. or if I can do anything.. I had no one and still really don’t. but maybe that is best.

      • I am having a really hard time here. I found out a week ago that my husband is still contacting and talking to women (escorts). I got his phone records and the obsession he has is just that. He promised me in November that he would never hurt me again. He just got caught again. I don’t trust a word he says. He says I am pushing him away with the constant accusations and he can’t take it anymore. I am so hurt but yet I don’t want him to go. Is is best he leave? Or should I give him a second chance. God help me.( He slept with four women in Oct, Nov.) I don’t trust him anymore)

  17. I have been with my husband for 13 years ( married two) before we got married my husband cheated on me basically the whole time we were together. He had one night stands, slept with hookers, tried to sleep with every single one of my friends, slept with my friends friends, got std’s because he never once used protection. And also had several drawn out affairs. I found out about one of the affairs when a family friend witnessed my partner kissing another woman at a bar. So I confronted him about it and he thought it was quite funny and ran off with her. I was devastated. I was now a single mum with no idea what to do. Weeks later my partner contacted me wanting to get back together. I agreed. A week later he ran off with the same woman again. He played between us for 3 months. It emotionally destroyed me. Finally he agreed to stay with me and admitted that he had a drug problem and had been unfaithful our whole relationship. I was so low I took him back. The other woman stalked and harassed me for two long years. Two months after I took him back I became pregnant. I threw everything at making a stable family life and we moved to another town for a fresh start. After my baby was born we decided to get married. I though this would finally be the relationship I had always wanted. A year after our marriage I thought everything was getting better until my husband pulled me aside and told me he had had another affair. I just went numb. I asked him to move out. His mother and he harassed me the entire time we were apart begging for another chance and once again I took him back. Then the new woman he had an affair with started to harass us. Saying she was pregnant. Abusing me and stalking. This went on for 8 months. Her harassing his work mates and his family also saying she was pregnant but never providing any proof. 8 months after the affair she was saying she had given birth but we found out it was all a lie. But I have been emotionally damaged by all that has happened. I don’t want to sleep with my husband or even have him touch me. I don’t know what I have put up with all this and why I can’t leave him after everything. He thinks I should just get over it since it’s been 9 months but I don’t know if I will ever recover. Just wanted to put this in writing. It helps :)

    • I think it does help writing everything down and being able to share. Even if we don’t know each other I know the pain you’ve been through. I understand how you could say enough–the emotional damage is the hardest thing to recover from. Taking care of yourself and your baby is the most important thing. Knowing you deserve everything is the first step–and don’t accept anything less. Thanks for writing and sharing. :)

  18. Contact me on Facebook I would love to talk to u! It’s hard I am still moved out and I can’t over come what is done! I miss him and I miss our family but I can’t seem to go back! I pray for u and I am here email is everyone is different but they say they change and some do! By my problem is that it happened all the times and now he is supposed to be forgiven over night an me go back! I’m here if u would like to chat email or even talk! I have millions of sleepless nights! Who knows what the right decision is but we can’t keep living their lies!!

  19. I am so sorry…. I know you are overwhelmed with pain but try to take some time for you today. Find a therapist when you can and go, even if it’s by yourself. You don’t have to know what to do now. Healing takes time. There are still days that I struggle but it does get easier. Take care of yourself. Eat, sleep and don’t spend all day dwelling on the affair. Wishing you peace today…..

  20. i have only had a couple days to think. for now i am allowing my husband to live in my house. he wants to go to counseling. i dont think it will do any good for me because i know i will never trust him again. we made a compromise. i will go to therapy with him. he can stay here. he has to be completely honest with me and go to church.(because thats when he did it was when we we at church). i dont know that i am making the right decisions. i do believe he is telling me the truth now.

  21. thank you !! All I do is google what to do’s and how to feels… Christmas was a blessing for my kids but he** for me. Tonight we will go over and have Christmas with him… I dread it already just because I know all I am gonna do it cry!!!!!!!!!!!

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